She's Like The Wind
by Elma MacBetsy
Summary: Set during the night of Bella's 18th birthday. Edward's thoughts as he watches her sleep. Song fic.


**Disclaimer: Neither Twilight nor the song 'She's Like the Wind' are mine**

**She's Like the Wind**

I looked down at Bella, sleeping soundly at my side and almost smiled. Almost, but not quite. No matter how much I enjoyed watching her while she slept, it paled in comparison with my grief over the day's events and what the future would hold for us. There had never been many options for Bella and I, but right now there were fewer than ever before. I could either stay, and not be with Bella, or leave, and not be with Bella. Either way, I would not risk her future for my own selfish desires.

_She's like the wind through my tree  
She rides the night next to me  
She leads me through moonlight  
Only to burn me with the sun  
She's taken my heart  
But she doesn't know what she's done_

I knew it would hurt her. A part of me wished she was the psychic so she would be able to comprehend the extent of both my love for her and my pain at leaving her. Maybe if she knew that I was doing it all for her, she wouldn't be as upset. A part of me hoped that she would realise that without any mind reading capabilities. But then since I didn't think for a second that she could ever believe otherwise, I was going to need every advantage to convince her.

_Feel her breath on my face  
Her body close to me  
Can't look in her eyes  
She's out of my league  
Just a fool to believe  
I have anything she needs  
She's like the wind_

She shifted in her sleep so she was lying half on top of me. Her face was just below my chin now, buried in my neck. For a few seconds I indulged myself in the feeling of her warm breath against my chilled skin, heating it like nothing else in this world, apart from maybe the length of her body pressed against me. How could I leave her? How could I give moments like this up? I couldn't survive without them, without her.

And then I felt immensely guilty for even considering staying, not after her near death experience with Jasper. If she was with Mike, or Tyler or even Eric then that wouldn't have happened, just as I'd told her earlier. Their families wouldn't be tempted to eat her. They wouldn't go crazy at the first scent of her blood. Any disputes regarding her would be about how much time the lucky boyfriend spent with her, or something similar, not about how she might blow their cover and ruin their lives. No, she'd be much better off with one of those high school boys she was friends with, however infantile they were, and however much she may think she needed me. Whatever she said, she was definitely a creature above me, and I was undeserving of her.

_I look in the mirror and all I see  
Is a young old man with only a dream  
Am I just fooling myself  
That she'll stop the pain  
Living without her  
I'd go insane _

She sighed, and yet again I began waver. I wasn't sure I would be able to cope with the heartbreak leaving Bella would entail. I wanted, no, _needed_ to be with her. As I'd once said to her, she was exactly my brand of heroine. Life before her was dark and empty. Sure, I loved my family, but somehow I even felt guilty for that. I felt every bit the monster I knew I was. And I was fine with that, or so I'd thought. Now… Well, now things were different. Maybe, just maybe, if someone like Bella could love me, perhaps I wasn't not so bad. And maybe, if she could love me, despite what I was, there'd be hope for us yet.

The thought that things would work out without me leaving cheered me, but it didn't last. She moved again in her sleep so that I could feel her heartbeat against my body; a constant reminder that she was alive, and I was not. She would have or got through all the effects if being alive. She needed to eat, sleep and breathe. She would age. I wouldn't. I was nearly one hundred years old, yet I only felt it mentally. Physically, and to some extent instinctually I was a teenage boy still, with all the dreams that went with it, and now it was time to accept that that was all they were: dreams. Dreams that would never come to pass.

_Feel her breath on my face  
Her body close to me  
Can't look in her eyes  
She's out of my league  
Just a fool to believe  
I have anything she needs  
She's like the wind_

_  
You're out of my league_

**Ok, well I just want to say that I'm not particularly fond of this, as such. On the whole, I don't like song fics. But, I have to admit there are so many songs out there that fit so perfectly with Twilight... Especially this song. I mean seriously, it's like it was written especially for Edward.**


End file.
